Dark Nights
by chravindrsq
Summary: Regina is struggling with some secrets from her past. Will Emma be there to save her? TW inside, long one shot


**_A/N Hello dearies! Here's my second try at a SQ fic! As always, hope yall enjoy and please leave reviews to help me better my writing!_**

 ** _TW: child abuse, marital abuse, non-consensual sex_**

 ** _please please turn back now if you not comfortable with the summary and/or trigger warnings_**

 _Everything about the king's castle was heaven; from the queen's wardrobe to the very floor the servants stepped on. This particular room was decorated with spirals and lined with gold and various colored jewels. In the day, the sun lit up the room, jewels and gold shimmered and casted a brilliant glow on everything it touched. At night the moonlight illuminated the diamonds on the ceiling and made marvelous constellations._

 _Regina was seeing stars, but her face was to the floor after suffering a ring filled slap._

 _Leopold shook his hand, crinkled and spotted from old age. "You've drawn blood on my ring; disgraceful." He said with an even, yet agitated tone._

 _The queen couldn't say why she was being punished this time, or any other time. She would blame it on the simple fact that she was not Queen Eva; wasn't pretty enough, smart enough, loyal enough. It seemed that was the only reason his majesty needed to toss her around like a ragdoll._

" _Your majesty…" Regina tried as she slowly rose off the floor. The long gown she wore was tangled around her feet and as soon as she thought she had her balance, gravity pulled her down again. For some odd reason she reached out and expected the king's hand to save her. He simply stepped to the side, allowing her to crumple to the ground again._

" _Clumsy, useless woman; Snow has more grace than you. What a horrible example for my dear daughter." Leopold went on mumbling about her; all her mistakes and shortcomings, all the reasons why she would never be like his precious Queen Eva._

 _Regina kneeled on the floor and let his words wash over her like water. Soon she was drowning, sinking lower and lower until she couldn't breathe. The ball in her throat struggled to reach the top, but she swallowed hard and squinched her eyes close, holding back tears._

' _Don't give in, don't give in.' The young queen told herself. 'Don't let him see you cry.'_

" _Are you listening?!" Leopold hovered over her, like a beast over its prey._

" _Yes, your majesty. I apologize. It won't happen again." What had she even done? Regina would probably never know._

 _She didn't understand why the king always complained of her misdeeds, yet found no fault in his dear Snow. Why he stared at her longingly one moment then with complete disgust the next. Why he still talked of his beloved Eva to royal guests and only mentioned Regina when company could no longer ignore the young girl sitting stoically at the table. Why he always slipped and called her Eva when he lay above her in bed._

 _That was perhaps what hurt Regina the most; not the slaps and falls and glares. She had dealt with those for many years. It was when she lay with body and soul exposed and he called her a dead woman's name that Regina truly felt pained._

" _Eva…" He whispered into her shoulder._

 _Regina shivered because he was invading her and she could do nothing but take it. And because she wanted to scream. She wanted to yell so loud that every kingdom could hear her say 'I am not Eva!'. She wanted to yell loud enough that her horrid mother could hear her and maybe for once in her life feel guilty for the torture she had put her child through._

 _Cora had never felt guilty in her life. Shame and disappointment for her daughter, yes, but never had she felt sorry and Regina believed the woman never would. Her mother, much like her husband, would never love her in the way she desperately needed; would never care for her as she was forced to care for them, would never give one shred of thought about what she wanted. She was just a pawn in Cora's games, a tool to be used, a decoration to hang on the king's arm, a trophy to be shown._

" _Eva!"_

' _I am Regina!' She yelled in her mind as she clenched her jaw, grabbed the sheets and wished they were the king so she could claw through his skin. She begged the lords she could make him feel even a fraction of the pain he made her feel every minute she was imprisoned in this marriage._

 _Leopold shook, shivered, and rested his weight against his wife. Regina felt suffocated but she dared not say a word._

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"I'm not really worried about what you want right now, Gina."

She hadn't meant it. Regina wasn't so idiotic not to know that.

And yet…Emma's words still swirled around in her head all day, dragging Regina's mind between the past and the present.

The mayor had to admit she didn't quite remember what spurred the argument; it just happened. She did remember huffing out a breath of exasperation before poofing to the office and drowning herself under another mountain of paperwork.

There was never a lack of it to be done in Storybrooke, especially after they had solved the major dilemma of returning to the Enchanted Forest.

With characters wanting to come and go and Regina needing to keep track of every possible threat in and out of the town, her workload doubled practically every day. Citizens were breathing rather hotly down her neck about happy endings and missing relatives and nonsense she didn't quite care about. She was now six months engaged and feeling the pressure from her in laws to hurry up and tie the knot before ever indecisive Emma backed out…again. Her beloved son Henry, who was getting closer and closer to becoming a legal adult every day, would not let her forget that he was leaving for college soon.

And just to top it all off, with her upcoming wedding and the constant reminders of "forever" and "oaths" and everything she had ever feared about true love, dreadful nightmares of the Enchanted Forest had begun to return. They were short, somewhat scary at first, but over the last few weeks they had grown increasingly more detailed, real, and frightening. There were some nights when Regina awoke in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, grateful Emma was a heavy sleeper and didn't notice her moving about.

And then there were nights when she woke up and forgot where she was, when she was, and who she was. There were nights where she cried silently wishing she could just turn over and wrap herself in Emma's arms and feel safe again.

Even after two years of being together, Emma only knew but a fraction of Regina's life in the Enchanted Forest; mostly her days as the Evil Queen, but never her childhood or her marriage to Leopold. The sheriff had never asked and the mayor certainly was not one to share.

While they were true loves, Regina could never bring herself to disclose that dark, sickening part of her life. So the queen kept her night terrors to herself, along with all the stress and anger and frustration and fear and worries. She kept it all in and let it eat her soul rather than her relationship.

"I'm not worried about what you want…"

Regina heard it in her head again. Except this time, it wasn't Emma; it was Cora, and Leopold, and Rumple, and every bastard that had ever done her wrong.

"Ms. Mills?"

Jessica, the mayor's assistant, asked quietly from the door. Her eyes were locked on Regina, noticing her dead stare and shaking hands.

"Yes, Miss Rojas?" Regina answered, the calamity in her mind all but nonexistent.

"Emma is on line two." It was clear she wanted to say something else, but dared not over step her boundaries.

"Thank you."

Jessica nodded and stepped out. Regina took a moment to settle her hands before picking up the phone.

"Yes, dear?"

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know I'm gonna be late tonight."

'But I need you tonight.' Regina chastised herself for almost saying those words out loud. "That's quite fine, dear." She responded instead. It came out a little rougher than she planned, but maybe it was her subconscious forcing her into the conversation she desperately needed to have now.

She had given Emma an opening; surely, her all knowing, super power having fiancée would notice the inflection. "Ok, see you later."

The phone clicked. Emma had one job and with no surprise to Regina, she had not performed it well.

There was a moment where the brunette felt hurt, a little depressed, but then she shoved the phone back on the desk and returned to her work.

She didn't want to think about Emma or how much she missed her, how much she needed her, how much she absolutely despised this woman and yet was head over heels in love with her at the same time. Regina didn't want to think about dreams…her nightmares. She didn't want to think about Cora or her father, especially her father. She had mourned and let go of her mother long ago (admittedly, she might have used a spell or two to do so). All that remained were the feelings for her father. Of course she loved him, but in her age and wisdom she realized what a pathetic person he was to allow his wife to torture him and their child.

The writing on the paper was growing erratic and wild. Regina picked it up and tore it in half. She cursed under her breath, wishing her hands and mind would stop betraying her.

Again, she found some semblance of solace in her work and continued through the day. She hadn't realized the time until it was far too late. It was now nearing midnight and the brunette had completely forgotten about Emma, Henry, dinner, everything. She vaguely remembered Jessica coming in at some point, telling her she was leaving, but Regina was so deep in paperwork she hadn't paid attention.

As she gathered her things, she turned her phone back on only for it to bombard her with two dozen missed calls and another two dozen text messages from Emma. There were two from Henry, one asking where she was and if he could order pizza, the other a picture of him eating said pizza with a thumb up.

Regina called him first, half expecting (and hoping) he was already bathed and in bed.

"Fello…" His raspy, half asleep voice answered.

"I'm sorry, dear. Did I wake you?"

"Uh uh…" He coughed quickly, trying to clear the sleep from his voice. "Where are you?"

"I got caught up at work. I'm sorry, Henry. I'll be there soon. Go back to bed."

"Mm k…night, mom."

Regina smiled softly at his lack of protest. "I love you. Good night."

"Wove you."

And with that the phone clicked and the boy returned to dreamland. Regina finished packing her things and headed home. She was surprised to see Emma's atrocious yellow bug sitting in the driveway, parked crookedly as usual.

The brunette had barely made it through the door before Emma was approaching her, eyes wide with worry and a bit of anger. "Gina, where have you been?! I called you like a hundred times!"

"I was busy at the office."

She shuffled past her, slipping out of her heels and dragging her briefcase into the study. Regina already knew she'd be up early to escape the night.

Emma was tailing her, the worry gone now and anger settling in her features. "Why didn't you call me? Or Henry? We were worried sick."

Regina quickly pulled up the picture of Henry and his pizza. "I think Henry was just fine. He's practically an adult; he can take care of himself." Had those words really come out of her mouth? If admitting Henry was becoming less dependent on them (Regina specifically) would take some weight off her ridiculously heavy shoulders, the brunette could accept it.

The blonde glanced at the picture a second before glaring back at Regina. "What's going on with you? Why have you been acting so…weird lately?"

Immediately, the walls went up and Regina turned defensive. "I'm perfectly fine. Not that it's any of your concern." She half mumbled the last part, already thinking of their fight that morning.

Emma didn't really care about her, her needs. She had postponed their wedding three times now, each time coming up with some ridiculous reason why they had to put it off. Regina had initially thought it was just cold feet, maybe private fears she had yet to express. The queen still felt loved, until the fights started and the 'I love you's stopped. Now she felt like a young girl, trapped in the king's castle again.

"What? What is that about?"

The brunette shook her head, now wanting to escape. "Nothing." She tried to brush past her, but Emma grabbed her arm. It stopped Regina in her tracks, though the grip wasn't nearly strong enough to hurt.

And yet, Regina felt the pain. She felt cold, clammy hands gripping her tight. She prepared herself to be thrown, punched, yanked; she prepared for anything. Her body tensed and she grit her teeth.

"Please…" An almost silent request escaped her lips.

Emma hadn't heard it, but she saw her fiancée's face tighten; not from anger or frustration but absolute paralyzing fear. The blonde released her grip and gently reached for Regina's chin to turn her face back to hers. Regina winced as if she'd been stung.

"Are you okay?" The blonde knew that look anywhere, knew that instant response. Regina thought she was going to hit her. Her fiancée, the strong and powerful queen, the one who never feared death, the one who went against big bads for years without ever breaking her resolve; her beautiful, resilient fiancée was afraid she was going to hurt her. "I didn't mean it, Gina. I'm sorry. You know I would never-"

Before she could finish that sentence, before Emma could hurt her, Regina poofed out of the study and into the bedroom. She immediately locked the door and threw herself on the bed. The tears flowed freely, but not for long. Within in seconds, Emma was banging on the door.

"Babe! I know something's wrong. Let me in. Please talk to me."

Dear God, she wanted to swing that door open and take Emma in her arms right that second. But she couldn't. She couldn't let Emma see her weak and vulnerable.

So she crawled off the bed and forced each line in her face to harden with every step she took to the door. By the time the door was unlocked and open again, there wasn't a trace of insecurity on it.

"Gina…I'm sorry about tonight, and this morning. I know you've been under a lot of stress and I'm not the most helpful person in the world and-"

"Miss Swan…I think it would be best if you slept in the guest room tonight." Of course it wouldn't be best. Regina would hate herself in the morning because she wouldn't get any sleep without her saviour by her side. And yet, Regina continued with the punishment for them both. It was the only way to keep her secret.

Emma was clearly hurt; even more confused. She knew it was useless to argue with her fiancée now; she'd been demoted back to 'Miss Swan'.

"Okay then." She gently kissed her cheek, then the other. Emma held her hand for a second, but Regina retracted it then handed the blonde a pair of pajamas.

"Good night, Emma."

The nightmares were fierce that night, attacking the brunette every second she closed her eyes. She tossed and turned, even ending up on the floor at one point because she kept turning expecting to hit the soft curves of Emma.

Around four in the morning, Regina lost the battle and ended up in her study, buried under another pile of paperwork.

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 _"Hide me, Rox!" Regina cried as she darted into the stable and into Rocinante's tiny home. The horse neighed loudly and shifted around until its head was nuzzled against Regina's._

 _The young girl shushed him and pulled hay up over her, trying to make herself blend in._

 _"Regina Maria Mills! Where are you?!" Cora's voice could be heard for miles. The mother was on a rampage, not that it was unusual._

 _Rocinante neighed again, seemingly trying to ask Regina what she had done this time to be hiding in her dinner._

 _"It wasn't my fault, Rox. Mother knows I hate dresses." The small girl quickly poked her head up over the stall, but was immediately back under the hay when she saw her mother approaching the stable. "I didn't mean to-"_

 _"Regina!" Cora snapped as she looked over the gate. "Get out of there immediately; it's filthy."_

 _Before she could even stand a whip of grayish, black smoke pulled Regina up by the waist and over the gate. Regina posed perfectly in front of Cora. The smoke washed over the child, picking off pieces of dirt and hay._

 _Cora grimaced as her wrists twirled and the magic was absorbed back into her hands. "That is not what I dressed you in this morning. I thought I told you not to wear those dreadful trousers and blouse. Where is your gown? Why are you hiding with these beasts? A proper lady does not-"_

 _"I'm sorry, mother!"_

 _"…Interrupt her mother."_

 _Regina bit her lip and dipped her head, afraid to even look in the general direction of her mother now. She already knew she would be punished for upsetting the prince that afternoon. It wasn't her fault he had dared her to ride his horse; nor was it that she rode better than him._

 _She should have known better though. Mother always said a king did not want a woman who could best him. He needed a loyal wife and servant; a woman simply capable of bearing children and looking decent in gowns._

 _"You have disgraced me, Regina. King Niccoli and Prince Benjamin want nothing to do with our family now and it is your fault. It is astounding you could be mine. You need to learn your place, dearie; and it is not on a horse. You will be a queen one day."_

 _The child did nothing but bare the criticism. She had already grown quite accustomed to the abuse at only nine years old. She knew the best thing to do was close her mouth and allow her mother to tear into her every flaw._

 _Regina tried to bite her tongue, but she couldn't help it. She had grown so tired of being primped and prodded, forced to attend balls and impress princes. Every minute of her day was full of lessons, tutors, and dresses. She just wanted one day where she could be herself, be a child. "I don't want to be a queen, mother! I want to ride horses and wear pants and have fun! Daddy says little girls like me get to play with their friends and play games! Why can't I have fun?"_

 _Cora's face was aghast. "Queens do not ride horses! They do not wear pants! You are not a little boy! You are a young woman and you will do as I say!"_

 _"But mother-"_

 _"I have had enough with your insolence!"_

 _Suddenly the black smoke was engulfing Regina, forcing her on her hands and knees with her back to Cora. She knew what was about to happen when she felt a cold breeze on her bare back. The tears were already pouring before Cora had even magicked up a whip._

 _"Mommy, please! I'm sorry! I'll be good!" Regina cried, wishing and praying for_ _her pleas to work this time._

 _Cora responded with a bend of her wrist as the leather tore through Regina's skin. Once with a sting, twice with burning pain, thrice with screams loud enough for the entire kingdom to hear. The whip swung uncountable times until her small back was red, brown, and black, and her olive skin was shredded and peeling. The sun was setting and Regina had grown silent by the time the punishment had ended._

 _"I hope you have learned your lesson." Cora said tiredly, as she rubbed her aching wrist. "I expect you at the dining table in an hour, cleaned up and smiling, young lady."_

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It'd been three days; three slow, fucking terrifying days. Regina was quickly losing her mind with all her sleepless (and Emma-less) nights. She'd racked up a whole thirteen hours of sleep in that time, none of which were consecutive. The brunette had grown so weary she had to resort to taking naps in her office. It was a dreadful habit, but it seemed the only way she could keep herself going without an unhealthy amount of caffeine or giving into Emma.

She was honestly considering it now though; Emma, not the coffee. The blonde had been trying hard to win back her affections the last few days. Emma had gone back to bringing Regina lunch in the office now; she'd (tried) to cook dinner one night, brought home Regina's favorite flowers and wine the night before. There were no more late nights at the station, more 'I love you's, and Emma tried her hardest not to start any arguments. While keeping her mouth shut was a difficult thing for the blonde, she managed. She only protested when Regina sent her on her way to bed.

Regina could make no promises she'd do the same that night. Emma was currently giving her a well needed foot massage, mumbling soothing words as her fingers worked the tight and aching muscles. Dear God, that woman had magic fingers. It was getting harder and harder to pull away. All Regina wanted that night was to feel those hands cup her cheek, feel Emma's lips press hard against hers, her body pressed against-

And she was getting carried away again. And yet she didn't care.

"You know I love you, right?" Emma was saying now. She moved Regina's feet off her lap and pulled the brunette closer so her back was to Emma's chest.

"After that massage, my suspicions have been confirmed." The brunette hummed as she nuzzled her head into Emma's neck and brushed her lips against the blonde's chin.

"And you know I would never hurt you on purpose, right?" A dead silence hung in the air.

It wasn't so much Regina believed Emma would hurt her; her fear was that Emma would learn the truths of her past and realize she could never love a woman so broken and revolting.

"I know, Emma."

The blonde ran her fingers through Regina's hair, pulling her closer so she could kiss her. It was apologetic, maybe pitying, but so, so sweet. Neither woman wanted to break away, but Emma eventually leaned back and smiled down at her fiancée.

"And you know…I'm really, really sorry. Please forgive me because I don't think I'll survive another night without you."

Regina smirked. Should she torture the sheriff? Make her think she wasn't ready to surrender yet? Who the hell was she kidding? The mayor wouldn't make it another hour without her saviour.

"You are forgiven, my love."

Suddenly, Emma had pushed Regina against the couch. Her mouth was attacking her face with sloppy and cheerful kisses everywhere. She kept repeating 'I love you' between laughs and smooches.

"If this is how affectionate you are after three lonely nights, I might have to punish you more often."

A pseudo-frown appeared on Emma's face. "Don't you dare." She tugged at Regina's waist, gripping her belt between her fingers. "You've been just as miserable as me."

Her face turned dark. The blonde leaned in close, her lips right next to Regina's ear. "You can't tell me you haven't missed me."

Emma used one hand to steady herself above the brunette; the other was quick to pluck the buttons on Regina's blouse, unclip her belt, and slide up her toned stomach to her lace covered breasts.

Regina gasped; she hadn't felt Emma's hands on her bare body in weeks. It was mostly her doing, being too stressed and frightened to allow Emma too close. Now all she wanted was to be completely exposed to her lover, let her take her in every way imaginable, and finally feel some release.

The blonde snaked her arm around Regina, trying to unclasp her bra. After a mere fifteen seconds of fighting with the constricting thing, she magicked it off and onto the floor.

"That's cheating, dear." Regina purred. She didn't quite care though; the faster her dreadfully tight clothes were off, the faster Emma could be inside her.

Emma ignored her. Her fingers worked quickly, crawling up her torso until her breast was cupped in her hand, her thumb circling around the aroused nipple. Emma's lips were busy at Regina's neck, gently nipping and sucking at the pulse point. The blonde had to be careful not to leave a mark or Regina would surely kill her. Apparently Emma was the only one that could be branded as the mayor's property.

Regina wasn't used to being the submissive, but she had missed her fiancée so desperately she would allow Emma to have her way for a bit. It was when Emma tried to sneak down to her waist and slip off her work pants that Regina stopped her.

"Not so fast, darling." The queen slipped from underneath her and posed gracefully in front of the stairs. "I think it's time to move this upstairs."

She turned and started a slow ascend up the stairs. It wasn't until she heard Emma's quick footsteps that they both raced up the steps, both laughing at the other.

At the top, Emma grabbed Regina by the waist. The blonde held her tightly against her as she left hot kisses against her neck. Her hands were being sneaky again, trying to slip into Regina's waist band. The brunette chuckled and tried to pull them back against her stomach, but her hands were weak from love and Emma tugged her waist until she spun around, their lips immediately connecting and fitting perfectly together.

The blonde was pushing them back, half holding Regina, half searching behind her for the doorknob. They found it, when it hit the brunette in the side.

"Ow!"

"Fuck!"

Regina accidentally bit on Emma's lip, much harder than usual, when the metal connected with her rib.

"Oh, Emma; are you okay? I'm sorry."

Emma licked her lip, clearly not in any pain. "It's okay. Are you? I didn't mean to push so hard."

Regina felt her side; of course it hurt but she tried to ignore the pain. She was focused on not letting Emma see her bare side.

Emma stepped forward, reaching for the corner of Regina's shirt that was still tucked into her pants. "Here, let me see it."

"No!" The brunette answered much too quickly and harshly. "No, it's fine. It's probably just a small bruise."

"Yeah, but you could have broke a rib. Just let me see it, Gina."

Regina pushed her hands back. "I highly doubt I broke a rib hitting a doorknob. I'll look at it, okay? Give me a moment."

She pushed the door open and hightailed it into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. Regina threw her blouse and slacks in the laundry hamper and stood in front of the full length mirror.

Her body was porcelain, not the slightest mark anywhere; not even where she'd just been slammed into a doorknob. There should be a bruise; she should be in more pain than she was showing. And Regina would be if it weren't for the constant magic cloak she held over her body.

Her eyes searched the room; of course no one was in sight. She closed the windows and blinds anyway and double checked the lock on the door.

She returned to the mirror and drew her hand over her body. A wave of purple watery smoke fell down and revealed a million cuts and scars on the brunette's formerly perfect skin. And there on her side, between a whip like scar that wrapped around her entire torso and a deep gash, was a bruise the size and shape of a baseball. The weird colors were spreading like an infection throughout the shape. Regina brought one finger to her side, barely pressing against it. Her voice squeaked.

"Gina? Is it bad? Should I get the first aid kit?" Emma shook the door handle, but it allowed no entrance. "Why is the door locked?"

"I didn't realize. I'll be out in a minute." The brunette reached into the cabinet and pulled out a bandage and medical tape. She covered the area where the bruise was, careful not to touch it directly. When she was finished she took a deep breath and waved her hands over her body.

The purple smoke crawled up from her toes to her hair, masking every scar in magical make up. Before unlocking the door, Regina peeled back a piece of the bandage. The bruise was gone; the only thing to be seen was smooth, olive skin.

As soon as she stepped out of the bathroom, Emma was there waiting with arms open. She hugged her tight, seemingly ignoring the fact that Regina was almost completely naked.

"Emma, it's just a bruise. I've been injured far worst in battles with villains."

"I know, but this time it was my fault." The blonde leaned down and kissed her stomach, right next to the bandage. "You know a bandage isn't going to help a bruise. It will heal on its own."

She was already reaching for it, trying to pull it off. Regina smacked her hand away, not at all phased by the force. "Leave it alone, Miss Swan. There was a small cut and I don't want to get blood on you or our bed."

Emma gave her a quizzical look. Regina was getting far too good at lying these days; even the sheriff's famous superpower couldn't always pick it up.

She didn't press the topic though. Instead the blonde stripped down and gently pulled Regina onto the bed with her. Regina was sure she'd try to get handsy, but apparently the blonde had lost all libido in the five minutes her lover was locked in the bathroom.

They were cuddled up close for a moment until Emma realized Regina wouldn't be able to rest no matter which side she slept on. She easily pulled the mayor on top of her, tracing lines over her back as she kissed her cheek.

"I love you, Emma." The words slipped out, almost a question.

"I love you more, Regina."

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 _"Because you are my first and I am yours," He leaned in close to her ear and whispered. "We'll never forget each other…"_

 _They were both a little sloppy. Neither was sure which way to turn their heads so their noses wouldn't collide, not sure how gentle or rough they should be, or how long it was supposed to last. But if anyone asked Daniel or Regina, there was never a kiss so perfect than their first._

 _Regina's lips turned up into a silly grin. She covered her mouth, feeling the remnants of Daniel. She giggled when she opened her eyes and saw him doing the same thing. They both laughed at each other before connecting their lips again, this time knowing almost exactly when to tilt their head, or open their mouth a little more._

 _It was breathtaking…until he took his last breath._

 _"We'll never forget each other…" Regina would hear his words sing her to sleep every night._

 _She didn't dare let her love fade from her memory. Every once in a while she'd trace the outline of her lips and remember how his fit perfectly in hers,_ _how he knew exactly when to grab her hip when she grew breathless, how his hands felt against the swell of her back._

 _"I thank the lords every day that ragged stable boy didn't deflower you. The king will be grateful for a chaste and…mostly pure wife."_

 _Cora pulled Regina back from her imaginations when she yanked on her long, dark brown locks. They seemed to be fight the child's mother as she tried to put them up in a tight bun._

 _They were in the dressing room of the King's castle on the day of Regina's marriage to the Leopold. Henry had tried to comfort his daughter that morning with promises of wealth, servants that would wait on her hand and foot, but most importantly escape from a life of servitude to her mother._

 _His words brought little…really no comfort to Regina. She knew she would never truly be free from her mother. Even if she married the king (which she no doubt would) her mother would always be lurking in the background. She'd make sure she kept him and his precious Snow happy and fulfilled her queenly duties._

 _"Do you remember everything I've told you, dear?" Cora was saying now._

 _"Yes, mother."Don't scream. Don't cry. Don't make a mess. Don't finish before him. Do exactly as the king says._

 _Don't scream. Don't cry. Don't make a mess. Don't finish before him. Do exactly as the king says._

 _Don't scream. Don't cry. Don't make a mess. Do exactly as the king says._

 _Don't scream. Don't cry. Do exactly as the king says._

 _Do_ exactly _as the king says._

 _The king wanted her in nothing but a robe when he appeared in her bed chamber. She stripped out of wedding gown and did so._

 _He wanted her to lie on the bed. So she did._

 _He wanted her silent and completely open to him. So Regina closed her eyes tight and unwrapped the robe around her. The sudden rush of cold air sent a paralyzing shiver up her spine. She had to be grateful that she was so frozen she didn't try to fight when she felt the weight of the king climb on top of her._

 _Regina had imagined that night a thousand and one times, always with Daniel, always slow and gentle and full of desire._

 _There was no pretense, not even a touch of comfort with the king. Before the girl could count down from ten he was already forcing himself into her. His voice was crude and thick next to her ear. Regina felt like she'd been cut when his chapped lips dragged over her cheek._

 _'Do exactly as the king says. It'll be over before you know it. The first time is always the hardest; you'll grow to stand it, maybe even enjoy it someday.'_

 _Seconds felt like hours, minutes like years. Regina couldn't tell the difference between her tears and his sweat. She cursed for crying but it wasn't like the king was paying any attention anyway. If she could just keep silent, keep still, it would be over._

 _Suddenly, there was a sharp pain that shot from deep in her stomach to her throat._

 _"Please stop!" The words had left her mouth before she could even register them in her brain._

 _Leopold paused for a moment. He didn't move, didn't look at her, or even ask her if something was wrong. He sighed heavily, obviously annoyed. Then he shifted and moved in deeper. Regina squeaked, but bit her lip._

 _It was clear her protests would be ignored. She did not make another sound that night. When the king was done, he dressed himself and returned to his chamber. No one came in after Regina; not a servant, not her father, not even her mother. It was just her, the darkness, and the blood pooling on her sheets._

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The sheriff was practically tossed off the bed when Regina started kicking and screaming bloody murder. She took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness then crawled closer to Regina who was huddled up, whimpering and mumbling.

"Babe, are you okay? What happened?" Emma tried to reach for her face. At the slightest change in proximity between them, Regina jumped.

"No, no! Please stop! Leave me alone!"

"Gina, it's me! It's Emma!" The blonde tried again, reaching for Regina's knee.

The brunette screamed again. "No, it hurts! I don't want to! Get off me!"

Emma crawled in front of her, careful not to disturb her again. She looked into the mayor's eyes, expecting the usual whiskey colored gaze of her lover. Instead she was met with jet blackness, a hard stare that was both lost and terrified.

"Regina…" Emma spoke softer now, keeping her place in front of the brunette. "It's me, Emma. I know you're in there, somewhere. It's okay, alright? I'm here. I've got you."

The older woman's eyes closed for a moment. When they opened again, Emma noticed an amber gleam flash across them. It grew wider until her eyes returned to their normal dark chestnut color.

Emma offered a small smile. "Hey, you're back. It's okay. Take a deep breath."

Regina and Emma breathed together for minutes. Regina was still shaky and dazed. When she seemed to be stable, she grabbed Emma and hugged her tightly. Her body was still trembling as she wrapped her arms around Emma's neck and buried her head in her shoulder. Regina had never felt as safe as she did in Emma's arms in that moment. Neither was sure how long they were sitting there, but eventually both women's legs begin to tingle and sting from falling asleep.

The brunette pulled away and quickly wiped at her face. Emma could see the muscles in her body tense and the lines in her face giving away her weakness. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Regina whispered as she looked down at her lap.

She wanted desperately to be held again, but she couldn't bare to even look at her fiancée now. Regina felt so weak and vulnerable. She was sure Emma was more scared of her now than when she had discovered she was the evil queen.

"It's okay. You didn't do anything." Emma reached for Regina's hand. It was both tense and limp. A minute of silence passed between them. Emma scratched her head and shifted so her legs were on either side of Regina. They had been asleep for awhile now and stretching them out felt wonderful. Emma let another minute of silence before she couldn't contain herself anymore. "So…do you want to talk…about what happened?"

A small scoff escaped Regina. "Not in particular, dear."

Emma dropped her head as well. She played with Regina's hands, clasping them with hers and gently massaging them. "I think we should though…"

"Emma, I really think-"

"Hey, when did you get these scars?"

The blonde held up Regina's hands, eyeing the appearing small cuts on her fingers and palms. Regina looked at them appalled, before snatching them away.

"I can explain, Emma."

"Whoa, Gina. What about those? Are you okay?" Emma pointed to the marks on her arms and upper torso that was rapidly increasing in number.

Regina took one second to look over her body before dashing into the bathroom, fumbling with the lock.

"Wait! Gina, what's happening? Talk to me." Emma was quick to jump off the bed and follow her, trying to push the door open as Regina tried to close it. They fought against the handle for a moment before Emma's strength overwhelmed the older women and the blonde forced her way inside. Regina tried to magic her cloak back up, but it was clear her magic was on E.

"Oh my God…" Emma froze when she finally saw Regina's full body, cuts and bruises decorating nearly every inch of her. She took special notice of the bruise just above her hip from the other night. It was healing nicely, but it was still a large circle and Emma knew there was no way she would have missed it if it wasn't magically cloaked.

Tears were rushing down Regina's cheeks again. And was that guilt Emma was reading in her eyes? "I didn't know how to tell you. I was terrified. And with the wedding and Henry leaving next year, and then you canceled. I thought it was because of me and I thought…I thought you stopped loving me or you would if you found out so I didn't say anything. And I just feel so lost without you and I didn't want to lose you, but I didn't want to hurt you either and-"

"Regina!"

Regina bit her lip so hard she almost drew blood. She took a deep breath and tried to steel herself for Emma's rejection. She was overwhelmed to say the least when Emma walked up and grabbed her in a warm embrace.

Soon both women were crying then Emma was laughing a little before she started kissing Regina. "Jesus, woman, sometimes you're dumber than I am."

Regina pushed back for a second, half hurt. "Excuse me?"

Emma kissed her again, before explaining herself. "Did you think I would leave you because you're not perfect? Regina, do you know who I am? I am Emma 'always-fucking-something-up Swan! I'm far from perfect and I certainly don't expect you to be. I don't care about a few bumps and bruises. All I care about is making you feel loved and safe."

The blonde runs a finger over a particularly nasty scar that wraps around Regina's waist. The brunette winces a little and Emma immediately pulls her hand away and kisses where the scar looks deepest.

"I knew something was up awhile ago. Like…when I proposed. I figured you would tell me, but you never did so I called it off. Then I asked again and you started getting distant again. I finally figured it out a few weeks ago when you got that look when I caught your arm."

Regina recalls the moment and degrades herself for not hiding it better. "I couldn't tell you, Emma. How could I possibly explain…this?" She waves over her body, implying the scars and the thousands of stories behind them. "You already know about my past as the evil queen. I couldn't let you think I was even more…disgusting than you already knew."

"You're not disgusting because of what someone else did to you. It doesn't make you any less of a person or any less valuable. I love you just the same, Regina." Emma kissed another scar on her shoulder. "Maybe more because of how brave you've been for…centuries!"

"Decades; I'm not that old, dear."

"Decades…sure." Emma smirked and rolled her eyes. "Can we go back to bed now? This tile is cold, my foot is half asleep, and it's like three in the morning."

Regina finally let out an honest chuckle. "Yes, my love."

The couple crawled back into the bed, finally at peace with the silent darkness; well, almost silent.

"Gina…"

"Yes, Miss Swan?" Regina murmured as her face was buried in the crook between Emma's neck and shoulder.

"I love you."

"I love you more. Now, go to sleep."

"I can't."

"And why not?"

"Because…" Emma rolled over on top of Regina, placing a soft kiss on the corner of her lips. One arm held her up over the brunette, while the other danced down her torso to just above her lace panties, tickling the string. Her hand glazed over Regina's thigh, finding new curves and bumps that hadn't existed before. Emma took a moment to explore this new body, making note of the areas that still caused Regina pain and the ones that now caused new pleasure. When it was committed to memory, Emma moved back to Regina's lips, starting with soft gentle kisses before she pressed harder, demanding entrance where their tongues pressed against and twisted around another. Emma cupped her cheek then pulled back a moment.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes…" Regina moaned.

Emma reached over and flipped on the bedside light, illuminating the bed so that Regina's body was more visible.

"I want to see all of you this time." Emma breathed.

Regina simply nodded her head and let the sheriff continue. She was relaxed and tense, excited and insecure. She had been keeping herself from this moment for so long, trying to protect both of them from the atrocity of her body. But now she didn't feel so safe and willing. And now she felt out of control, and small, like she was in the castle or the horses' stable or the King's chamber and this wasn't right. And yet she couldn't tell Emma no, not after what had just happened, not after what was about to happen. She had to get control again.

Emma was in the midst of pulling off Regina's bra when the brunette flipped them, straddling her lap. She was quick to rip off the sheriff's boy shorts, then her tank top. Her lips weren't gentle; they attacked Emma's lips and neck, leaving bite marks. Her tongue left a steaming trail from Emma's neck to her navel, just above her core.

"Regina, stop." Emma almost shouted right before Regina could slip her tongue into her core.

"What's wrong, dear?" Regina's voice was sultry, but there was worry and shame hidden behind it. "Do you not want me now?"

Emma pulled her up so their noses touched. "I do, more than anything. But you're moving too fast. This isn't you…well, it sort of is, but it's not the you that you want to be right now."

The blonde wasn't sure she was making any sense, but she knew Regina understood when her shoulders fell and she lay back on the bed. "You're right. I just…got lost for a minute."

"I know. You're with me now, though and I will never hurt you."

Emma sat up with Regina in her lap. She pushed back her hair on her shoulder and kissed her collar bone. Regina shuddered but assured her fiancée she didn't want her to stop. Emma moved from her collarbone, up her neck, and back to her lips with steaming hot kisses that left the queen feeling melted.

It wasn't long before Regina was on her back again and Emma was oh so sweetly everywhere on her body. Her tongue was working miracles on her clit and those magical fingers were pulsing so fast, Regina thought she might implode. Emma pushed one of Regina's legs up and over her the blonde's shoulder and massaged deep circles into her hip as she knew the brunette had to be in a little pain in the awkward position.

Regina was crying out Emma's name and some Gods the blonde had never heard of before when she came hard, dripping liquid sex all over Emma's chin and hands. Emma gladly licked them off, reveling in the taste of her lover. When their bodies had came off their high and Regina's legs didn't feel quite so much like jelly, Emma pulled her into her arms and kissed her forehead.

"You can sleep soundly now." Emma said to an already half asleep Regina. "I've got you."

 _ **A/N hope yall had fun! obviously i really suck at smexy times so i apologize if you were looking for a wild ride and just got off that baby carousel of fun times! anyway, remember to review! please and thank you!**_


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